Since I shared my introductory post through different places, the comments and responses have come through those. I am intrigued by the variety of reactions, though mostly positive.
To respond to one question - do Belizean men have any redeeming qualities? Of course. Everyone does. Nobody is all bad. No culture is all bad. My childhood hero was not all bad - I loved him dearly and still do, though he has "crossed over" as I like to think of death now. I did not mention in that essay that one of my two closest Belizean friends is a Baha'i man. I will always be grateful to him for both being who he is and for making me laugh when I most needed it. When my mother first went into the hospital in Belize about ten years ago now, he dropped everything and came to look after the house so my sister and I could look after Mom. The fact that he was born and raised into that traditional male attitude and dropped everything to come and do "women's work" says volumes, about his own choices and the power of transformation.
The point is not that there are individuals who are "exceptions to the rule". There always are. The point is that historically, this is the way it has been, and it is the way it is now. My life experiences in Belize and Canada have also been countered with "women try to seduce men too", "women disrespect men too", "women (including me) put themselves in situations where being victimized is likely to happen."
Don't I know it? Guilty as charged. I am not a woman who believes that women don't make stupid choices and as a result become victims, nor do I think that women are never the aggressors. The problem lies not in that but that the level of our inequality means that we CAN put ourselves in situations, through naivete or stupidity or whatever, where we are likely to be victimized. It isn't our fault except in thinking that we SHOULD be safe and therefore we WILL BE safe. Just because I SHOULD be safe walking into a bar by myself where people are consuming a substance that impedes their judgment as soon as they start consuming it - if attitudes towards women were healthy - doesn't mean that I AM safe doing so. My views on such subjects are not popular - the "rape is rape is rape" argument doesn't wash with me when everyone involved is under the influence of alcohol. And in this connection, since I many times DID enter bars in Belize, out of sheer loneliness, I've frequently since thought of this part of a prayer by The Bab:
"Guide my steps, O my God, unto that which is acceptable and pleasing to Thee. Shield me, through Thy might, from the fury of Thy wrath and chastisement, and hold me back from entering habitations not desired by Thee." (Selections from the Writings of the Bab, p. 205)
Also, when women become aggressors, it is often through the misguided belief that equality means we must become like men. Women haven't got equality figured out any better than men do, including myself.
My life experiences are not prejudice against men, or Belizean men. They are simply those experiences of mine that confirm what can be seen daily on the news or read about in history. I like men. I do not feel unsafe with men - generally. Truthfully, my experiences with Belizean men were such that it was very difficult to get to know a man any deeper than the sexual innuendo he was throwing at me, often just while walking down the street. I could not say that I knew well or deeply more than one Belizean man in a platonic way. Since I wasn't interested in non-platonic for most of my younger life in Belize, that meant that I knew a few Baha'i brothers in a Baha'i-community sort of way, but they never became close, intimate friends, according to my own definition of that. That could have been as much my fault as theirs.
My perspective is only that - a perspective. I'm not trying to vilify men. I'm actually trying to look for solutions, and in particular want other perspectives - not to whine about the present or the past - but to think of small, concrete actions that we all can take to improve what is, as well as to focus on how men will benefit from equality. If women in general become highly educated on a par with men, what benefit is it to men? If men take an equal role in household chores (and I know many men that do), of what benefit is it to them?
There was in Belize a popular song that both played loudly from the bars and I heard men singing to themselves as they sauntered down the street. Had it been a different kind of song it would have been a delight to see, (what's not to love about a culture where people happily saunter down the streets singing to themselves?) but the lyrics were, "Oh my demanding wife, she's going to destroy my life." The purpose of my having started this blog is to generate ideas on how men will become free by encouraging and respecting and being faithful to women, rather seeing us as a "ball and chain". I really do want input on this because my own imagination is struggling. I can easily see what's wrong. It is harder for me to imagine what the world will look like when things are right.
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